Some jokes read from the 'net :
1) Golf Jokes on Christmas Day
Four old-timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it, we'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton, too. My wife is at home planning the Cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is staring at them like they have lost their minds.
I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, Merry Christmas! It's a great morning for either sex or golf,' and she said... 'Take a sweater!'"
2) Scotch with two drops of water
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
Drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,
'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink, in fact, this one is on me..'As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
The woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
The woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity, why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
3) Christmas Shopping For Barbie Doll
I went to buy a Barbie doll one Christmas.....I had choices...the assistant said:
Do you want skateboarding Barbie at 19.99, or disco Barbie at 19.99, or divorced Barbie at 299.99?
I asked how come divorced Barbie was so expensive
Apparently it comes with Ken's car, Ken's house and Ken's boat.......
4) A Wise Ol' Saying :
Never, under any circumstance, take a sleeping pill & a laxative on
the same night.
