Author Topic: What A Joke!  (Read 87098 times)

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #500 on: November 09, 2017, 02:25:46 PM »
She went to an restaurant and after seeing every table being occupied by couples, she took out her mobile phone and made a very loud phone call, saying "My friend, your husband is here with another woman. Just come and see".

Fourteen men disappeared.

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #501 on: November 09, 2017, 02:28:23 PM »
The teacher told all her students to write an essay about a cricket match.

All the students got busy writing except Vijay.

He wrote : "Due to rain, no match".

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #502 on: November 09, 2017, 02:30:18 PM »
Vijay stood below a light with his mouth opened. Why?

Because his doctor advised him : "Today's dinner should be light"

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #503 on: November 09, 2017, 02:32:52 PM »
Q : Can February March?

A : No. But April May

Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #504 on: November 14, 2017, 09:56:01 AM »


"Hello, my name is Jason and I'll be your pilot today"
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Offline alphaz

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #505 on: July 26, 2018, 08:42:59 AM »
An Asian man walks into a bar.
He sits down at the the bar and starts drinking a beer.
The guy next to him asks, "You know kung fu or karate or any or this shit?"
The asian guy replies, "Why you ask, because I Chinese?"
The other guy replies, "No it’s because you’re drinking my fucking beer!"

Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #506 on: July 26, 2018, 10:12:44 AM »
« Last Edit: August 14, 2018, 06:31:12 AM by meoramri »
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Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #507 on: September 09, 2018, 07:26:23 AM »
There was an english language competition. 200 persons
participated...
The task was To write
in one sentence about
Peacefulness, Happiness & Calmness......

The Award Winner has written......,

"My wife is sleeping."

Judges hugged him with tears streaming when presenting the award.
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Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #508 on: May 22, 2019, 08:42:09 PM »
Great lines by Ramachandra:

"Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change"

Who is Ramachandra?
He is a bus conductor.
Now read it again.

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #509 on: May 22, 2019, 08:46:23 PM »
One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please."

"Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key.

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening.

Next morning, still surprised by last night's events, he goes downstairs to settle the bill.

"How was your room sir?" asks the receptionist. "Excellent, I will come back again. What do I owe you?" asks the man.

"Well. actually, sir, we are doing a promotional offer. Not only do you not have to pay but we give you $10 as a welcome gesture," says the receptionist.

"What?" says the guy, very surprised indeed. "That's amazing." He takes the ten-dollar bill and wanders off, debating whether his buddies will believe him or not.

Needless to say, after a few days he's told all his friends and neighbors about room 13 and the amazing night of passion.

The next week one of his buddies goes to check out the room. "Room 13 please."

"Certainly, sir, here's your key." After he gets in bed, at the same time, 2 o'clock, three girls this time, extremely horny, get in bed and screw his brains out.

The next morning, not only does he not have to pay, but he too gets $10.

After a month, everyone knows this hotel and especially room 13. Everyone that stays in room 13 gets the same treatment: a good screw and a ten bucks.

After a few weeks, the story reaches the President. The President decides to check the story out for himself. He visits the hotel and asks for room 13. He gets the keys and goes upstairs. After a couple of drinks he gets in bed waiting patiently for the naked girls to appear.

Indeed at about 2 0'clock in the morning two naked ladies come to bed. They are as horny and wild as all the stories the President has heard. The President gets his pecker out and screws the both of them all night long. This is the night of his life.

Next morning he goes to reception and when he asks how much the bill is, the receptionist says, "Nothing to pay, sir. Actually, we are doing an introductory offer. Here's $50 as a welcome gesture."

Curious, the President asks the receptionist, "Well, that's strange. Everyone else who comes here gets $10. Why do I get $50?" "Well, sir," says the receptionist. "This is the first time we've filmed a porn movie with a President in it!"

Nothing is free in this World...
Don't sell yourself, unknowingly.

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #510 on: May 22, 2019, 08:48:02 PM »
A lady traffic police got married, and on the next morning after her 1st night in bed with her husband, she gave him a summon of RM1000/-.

Husband in shock asked why?

She replies:
Over speed = RM100
Wrong side = RM300
Repeated horn pressing = RM200
Not using helmet = RM400

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #511 on: July 10, 2019, 11:32:26 AM »
Every husband is expected to give to his wife six things.

Sincerity, Affection, Love, Attention, Respect and Yourself.

You know it is so difficult to remember these esp in this order.

So women have a Acronym for that. It is simple to remember and give. Here it is.

S A L A R Y

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #512 on: July 10, 2019, 11:33:46 AM »
If you are over 40 years, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test. How fast can you guess these words correctly and fill-in the blanks ??

1. _  _NDOM

2. F_  _K

3.  P_N_S

4.  PU_S_

5.  S_X

6.  BOO_S

Answers :

1.  RANDOM

2.  FORK

3.  PANTS

4.  PULSE

5.  SIX

6.  BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong...didn't you ?? You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are still naughty like you were at twenty...!!

Offline 7thfort

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #513 on: July 10, 2019, 11:36:05 AM »
Subject: How to choose a bride, Malaysian style.....

A Mother was very concerned that her middle-aged son had not shown the slightest indication of getting married.  So one day she called him over to her house.

The Son came home from work, grudgingly. Upon arriving, he found that his mother had gathered a few beautiful ladies at the house for him to choose as his future bride.

The FIRST one was a well-endowed Telephonist-cum-Receptionist.  He immediately commented:  'Aiyaa..... Mother, they always say..... PLEASE HOLD ON, HOLD ON...........'

The SECOND nominee was a leggy secretary.  She was also rejected. Reason being: 'Aiyaa.... Mother, this one aaa..., Secretary always fond of saying 'PLEASE SLOW DOWN, SLOW DOWN........'

By this time, the mother was nearing frustration. She called in a sweet but plain-looking teacher. The Son suddenly agreed!!

The Mother was surprised and asked: 'Why this one? I thought the earlier two were a lot better.
He replied: 'Teacher aaa..... Teacher very good, very patient, always say: PLEASE REPEAT, DO IT AGAIN, I want it done 10 times.... SOME MORE, SOME MORE.....!'

Her youngest son (10 years old), was listening quietly all this while at the other end of the room. Suddenly, he shouted:  'Hey Brother.... I think the lady mini bus Conductor much better laah... she always says:   'NAIK CEPAT, NAIK CEPAT..... MASUK, MASUK...... MASUK LAGI, DALAM LAGI..... DALAM LAGI LAAAAH, MASUK BELAKANG..... BELAKANG LAGI, BELAKANG BANYAK KOSONG.....'

The mother fainted....

Offline dlmarr

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #514 on: July 22, 2019, 12:44:28 PM »
What did the volcano say to his gf?

I lava you.

Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #515 on: July 28, 2019, 12:08:06 PM »
*TECHNOLOGY DISASTER*
David was setting the voice recognition password of his mobile,

A dog barked and ran away..

.. David is still looking for the dog!!!
 


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Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #516 on: July 31, 2019, 08:14:39 PM »



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Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #517 on: September 04, 2019, 08:05:33 PM »
Present  Economy of Malaysia
---------------------------------------
*Employee*:   *Boss, from tomorrow, I will go home at 6 pm sharp daily.*

*Boss*:  *Why, what happened ?*

*Employee*:   *Sir my Salary is not sufficient for me. I want to drive grab at night. I have to support my family.*

*Boss*: Ok.  Go ahead . But, if you feel hungry at  night, come to Bukit Bintang

Employee : Why Sir ?

Boss: *I sell satay there*




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Offline meoramri

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #518 on: September 14, 2019, 12:24:58 PM »
Robert Mugabe's choicest quotes. The Zimbabwe ex-President will be remembered for his great wit. These are some of his quotes:

1) "When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend."

2) "If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-ray machines to see inner beauty"

3) "When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious."

4) "Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow"

5) "Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real"

6) "If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first."

7) "What is the problem with deporting white men from Africa? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors."

8) "Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.

9) Interviewer: "Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?"
Robert Mugabe: "Where are they going?"

AND FINALLY 'piece de resistance'

10) "If I am given chance to travel through time, I will go back to 1946 and find Donald Trump's father and give him a condom"


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Offline francis226

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #519 on: Today at 09:55:11 AM »
NEVER LIE TO A SMART WIFE / WOMAN

One day, the husband called his wife, and asked:

“Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week.

This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion.

So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box.

We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the house to pick my things.

Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!”

His wife immediately noticed that something was not right with the lousy excuse her husband managed to invent for the next week,

but she decided to be a good wife and do what she was asked to.

After a week, her husband returned home, and looked tired,

but explained to her that he was happy that he has done a good job by attending the fishing party.

The woman wanted to know all in details, and asked about the boss, the weekend, the other colleagues,

if they had caught fish, and so on.

Her husband answered: “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my blue silk pyjamas?” The woman replied: “I did…

They’re in your fishing box”.

Offline francis226

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #520 on: Today at 09:57:58 AM »
My boss told me to have a good day..





so I went home.  ;D ;D ;D

Offline francis226

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Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #521 on: Today at 10:06:38 AM »
When 3 people have sex, it's called a THREESOME.

When 2 people have sex, it's called a TWOSOME.

Now I understand why they call you HANDSOME.  :D :D :D