What A Joke!

[7thfort]

Not sure if I have posted this before, too many to remember. Here goes.

This is hilarious but meaningful. One will pay a price for looking down on people !*

A Chinaman goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Chinaman to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.

The Chinaman goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.

Next week the Chinaman finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of dog food and goes to check out.

The Manager again gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Chinaman to bring and show him the dog before he can let him have dog food.

The Chinaman goes home and returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.

The following week the Chinaman comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks the manager to put his hand in the bag. The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Chinaman, "What the hell ! This is shit, you Idiot !"

The Chinaman calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?"

[7thfort]

COMING HOME LATE

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up.

His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping ?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

[RayfordTovar]

Cigarette Story
 
I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro ,
in the Salem high country
 
I always carry a Mild Seven
I ride on a White Horse.

Going to Kingsway in Kent
it was Lucky Strike that I fell in love with the daughter of Master Duke.
Her name is YSL

We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into a room number 555.

I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf.
I played with her two Matterhorns.
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
she cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider !!
and you are riding like a mad Camel "

When I asked her if she was satisfied
she answered  "I want MORE !!!!"

Then suddenly she turned around and asked me
if I want to enter her Gudang Garam.

She said... Depan belakang puas, barulah Sampoerna !!!

Very interesting story indeed.. It is good one and I would like to share it with my friends..

[RayfordTovar]

ecigs Story
 
I am Peter Stuyvesant
I have two friends, Benson and Hedges
I came from the city of Marlboro ,
in the Salem high country
 
I always carry a Mild Seven
I ride on a White Horse.

Going to Kingsway in Kent
it was Lucky Strike that I fell in love with the daughter of Master Duke.
Her name is YSL

We got married by Perillys, the priest
We checked in at the house of Dunhill
And booked into a room number 555.

I laid her on the bed made of Gold Leaf.
I played with her two Matterhorns.
When I poked in my Rothmans King Size
she cried in delight, "You are a Rough Rider !!
and you are riding like a mad Camel "

When I asked her if she was satisfied
she answered  "I want MORE !!!!"

Then suddenly she turned around and asked me
if I want to enter her Gudang Garam.

She said... Depan belakang puas, barulah Sampoerna !!!

Very interesting story indeed.. It is good one and I would like to share it with my friends..

[7thfort]

Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them.

Son say: What are you doing?

Father: I am putting petrol in your mom

Son: Which mean mom's engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday.

Mother fainted.

[7thfort]

A man went to the pub with his wife.

When he left for the counter to buy drinks, a prostitute approached his wife and whispered,

"You must demand cash before sex. I know him, he doesn't pay"

[7thfort]

A 8 year boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer hold his dick as evidence saying,

"Your Honor, see this. Can he rape with this tiny penis?"

The boy whispers, "don't shake it, we will lose the case"

[7thfort]

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female flat mate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's flat mate is.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mother's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just flat mates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an e-mail:

Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not". But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Your Loving Son
Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from his Mama which read:

Dear son,  I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving Mama

[7thfort]

If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor.

After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel.

[7thfort]

Listening to the wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website.

You understand nothing, yet you agreed.

[sinbad2k]

[dennis.T]

Listening to the wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website.

You understand nothing, yet you agreed.

this one is awesome 

[sinbad2k]

PERBEZAAN ANTARA ISTERI DAN - PERBEZAAN ANTARA ISTERI DAN
GIRLFRIEND PADA PANDANGAN
SEORANG SUAMI

Isteri macam tv, girlfriend macam
handphone.

Dirumah tengok tv,
pergi keluar bawak handphone.

Kadang-kadang seronok tengok
tv, tapi selalunya masa banyak
habis main handphone.

Tv percuma sepanjang hayat, tapi
handphone kalau tak bayar servis
line, talian akan ditamatkan serta
merta.

Tv saiznya besar, berat dan
buruk, tapi Hp cute, comel,
ramping dan banyak butang
boleh picit dan boleh dibawa ke
mana-mana pada bila-bila masa
saja.

Kos penyelengaraan tv murah aje, lagipun jarang rosak, tapi Hp..
mak oii.. mahalnya selalu
meragam plak tu.

HP bila kita bercakap dgn dia... dia jawab semula.... TV asyik nak kita dengar je dia cakap...

Yang sadisnya Tv ada remote
control, tapi Hp takde.

Cuma satu je kelebihan Tv, takde
virus. Tapi Hp sekali kena virus
habislah!

JADI.. JANGAN PENING KEPALA,SAYANGILAH
TV ANDA

[yeoh1984]

  :Laughing_on_floor:nice joke..

[7thfort]

Can't recall if I posted this before. Here goes.

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

[7thfort]

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[7thfort]

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[7thfort]

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[7thfort]

Husband came home drunk.

To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop and started working.

Wife - had alcohol?

Husband - No no darling

Wife - idiot .. then why open my suitcase and acting like typing...

[7thfort]

A letter from teacher to a parent:

Dear parent, Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.

Parent's answer :

Dear teacher, Kumar is not a rose. Don't smell him, teach him

[7thfort]

Wife : I hate that beggar

Husband : Why?

Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food and today he gave me a book "How to Cook"

[7thfort]

This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?"

So I did.

I don't remember much after that.

[7thfort]

Please do not flush anything but toilet paper down this toilet.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Management


Is shit OK??? Please respond fast!!!

[7thfort]

Did you know :

You can skydive without a parachute?

But only once.

[7thfort]

Whatever you do, always give 100%.

Unless you are donating blood.