Author Topic: What A Joke!  (Read 73326 times)

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #50 on: December 18, 2012, 04:12:40 PM »
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
 
(I know some people like that.)
 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #51 on: December 18, 2012, 04:13:15 PM »
Starfish don't have brains.
 
(I know some people like that, too.)

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #52 on: December 18, 2012, 04:14:13 PM »
In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
 
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #53 on: December 18, 2012, 04:17:22 PM »
I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow
a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, old man,' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPod.'

I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it...........

 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #54 on: December 18, 2012, 04:18:34 PM »
Viagra is now available in powder form to put in your tea.

It doesn't help your sexual performance, but it does stop your biscuit going soft....

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #55 on: December 18, 2012, 04:21:20 PM »
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said,
“Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.”
 
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,
“What would you want to talk about?”
 
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell,
or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
 
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets,
while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that
is?”

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says,
“Hmmm, I have no idea.”
 
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don’t know shit?”
 
 
 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #56 on: December 24, 2012, 06:47:29 PM »
In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT                 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #57 on: December 24, 2012, 06:49:00 PM »
Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.                 

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #58 on: December 24, 2012, 06:49:34 PM »
On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)   

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #59 on: December 24, 2012, 06:50:23 PM »
Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR               

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #60 on: December 24, 2012, 06:51:10 PM »
Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A  WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #61 on: December 24, 2012, 06:52:23 PM »
Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #62 on: December 24, 2012, 06:53:07 PM »
Dry cleaners, Bangkok:

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #63 on: December 24, 2012, 06:53:56 PM »
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #64 on: December 24, 2012, 06:55:26 PM »
Hotel, Zurich:

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #65 on: December 24, 2012, 06:56:18 PM »
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #66 on: December 24, 2012, 06:57:19 PM »
In a Tokyo bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #67 on: December 24, 2012, 06:58:00 PM »
In a cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #68 on: December 24, 2012, 06:58:38 PM »
In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #69 on: December 24, 2012, 06:59:31 PM »
On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #70 on: December 24, 2012, 07:01:24 PM »
Ah Beng : If I  die, will u remarry?

Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will  u remarry?

Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #71 on: December 24, 2012, 07:02:13 PM »
Ah Beng : People consider me as a  'GOD'

Wife: How do you know??

Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today,  everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come  again.


Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #72 on: December 24, 2012, 07:03:02 PM »
Ah Beng  complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my  house.'

Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'

Ah Beng : 'I was  watching TV news...'

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #73 on: December 24, 2012, 07:03:54 PM »
Ah  Beng  comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking  Fine'

He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for  compliment.'

Offline 7thfort

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 726
  • Yeehah
Re: What A Joke!
« Reply #74 on: December 24, 2012, 07:04:34 PM »
How do  you recognize Ah Beng  in School?

He is the one who erases the  notes from the book when the teacher erases the  board.